Daily Archives: November 25, 2008
Downturn Effects: Somali Pirates to Acquire Citigroup
Another hilarious email doing the rounds!
Somali Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup
By Andreas Hippin
November 20 (Bloom berg) — The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.
The pirates would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including most recently a $200 million Saudi Arabian oil tanker. The Somali pirates are offering up to $0.10 per share for Citigroup, pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today. The negotiations have entered the final stage, Ali said.
“You may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be happy we are in the mood to offer the shareholders anything,” said Ali.
The pirates will finance part of the purchase by selling new Pirate Ransom Backed Securities. The PRBS’s are backed by the cash flows from future ransom payments from hijackings in the Gulf of Aden . Moody’s and S&P have already issued their top investment grade ratings for the PRBS’s.
Head pirate, Ubu Kalid Shandu, said: “We need a bank so that we have a place to keep all of our ransom money. Thankfully, the dislocations in the capital markets has allowed us to purchase Citigroup at an attractive valuation and to take advantage of TARP capital to grow the business even faster.”
Shandu added, “We don’t call ourselves pirates. We are coastguards and this will just allow us to guard our coasts better.”
CITI IN TALKS WITH SOMALI PIRATES FOR POSSIBLE CAPITAL INFUSION
*WILL REQUIRE ALL CITI EMPLOYEES TO WEAR PATCH OVER ONE EYE
*SOMALIAN PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP
*PAULSON: TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,’ WILL PAY OFF
*KASHKARI SAYS `SOMALI PIRATES ARE ‘FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND’ ‘
*Moody’s upgrade Somali Pirates to AAA
*HUD SAYS SOMALI DHOW FORECLOSURE PROGRAM HAD `VERY LOW’ PARTICPATION
*SOMALI PIRATES IN DISCUSSION TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK
*FED OFFICIALS: AGGRESSIVE EASING WOULD CUT SOMALI PIRATE RISK
* FED AGREED OCT. 29 TO TAKE `WHATEVER STEPS’ NEEDED FOR SOMALI PIRATES
Downturn Effects: New HR designations
Ok, I got this over the email, so it’s not an original piece of work. If this has been put together by you, or by someone you know, insert the name in the comments.
So post the downturn here’s the latest HR designations that your firm can take up!
Chief – Head Roller
HR Executive -temporary
HR Executive – permanently temporary
HR Executive – mass layoffs
HR Executive – situationally exploitative removals
Separation Consultant
HOD – Manpower Retrenchment Planning (MRP)
HOD – Mass Emotional Shock Handling (MESH)
HOD – Mass Communicator- Bad News
HOD – Pseudo Promotion
Head – HR (RR) – Human Resource (Recrutiment & Removal)
Head – HR (HR) – Human Resource (Hire & Remove)
Head- HR (ER) – Human Resource (Engage & Remove)
Join Vote Yatra 2009
Anupam Gupta (aka BombayAddict) is encouraging people to be mobilised via the internet to go and rock the vote.
It starts with the Delhi and other State Assemby elections, and culminates in the big 2009 general elections. Get the word out, join the Facebook group and follow VoteYatra on Twitter !
Sites for the Delhi state elections, due to be held this Saturday:
http://www.delhielections.com/
http://delhigovt.nic.in/
